I made the top 500!

So, Saturday was my first 5k. Not my first 5k since being sick, but my first 5k. As in Ever. And yes, it was brrrisk out. Snowing and all of 17 degrees.

I am NOT a fast runner. I mean truth be told, some power walkers might outpace my "jog," but hey, it's my heart and it feels so much better to me when I jog versus walking.

I told everyone that if I finished in 45 minutes I'd be happy. My goal was to finish the whole thing running (no run/walk for this girl, thank you!), not a set time.

Well, how about finishing, running the whole way, in 43 minutes 10 seconds? (Yes, all you who follow on facebook that is a difference - there was a glitch in the official times on race day, apparently this is the real time - even faster than I'd thought!) Suh-weet! And, I finished 494th out of 1,000 runners, so I made the top half! And now I have me a really cool t-shirt too.

My friends above are all from church - the 5k was for CSU's homecoming and we'd planned on running with some of the folks from our campus ministry; however, only one of the students actually showed. Anyway, the gal on the far left is my age and the HS cross-country coach I ran with the week before the race. She and the guy next to last in the pic came back for me after they'd finished. They found me at about the 2 1/2 - 2 3/4 mile mark and ran the rest of the way with me - encouraging me and not only cheering me on, but engaging the spectators to cheer me on too! They're totally awesome like that. And in much better shape, I might add.

Thanks be to God for His healing in my body - this never would have been possible without Him.

I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

These Vignettes Brought to You by Testosterone!

Yesterday morning in the kitchen as we are doing the morning rush:

Punkinhead - Hey, LMNOB do you have Oprah today?

LMNOB and me - Huh?????

LMNOB - You mean that black lady on the TV?

Punkinhead, exasperated - No! I mee-ean that singing thing you do!

:cue lightbulb: Oprah = Opera in his little boy mind! Aha!

LMNOB, all self-righteous: It's CHOIR, Punkinhead, not OPERA! And yes, I do have choir after school today.

Well, then!

***********************
My bedroom, the other night as Charlie Brown and I are settling in for the night.

Charlie Brown: Dang, woman! You are getting skinny on me.

Me (stupidly doing that female thing where I protest at a compliment): I'd hardly call myself skinny.

Charlie Brown: Better than a TURD like me.

Me: Charlie Brown! Why are you saying that, you don't let me get away with putting myself down, so knock it off!

Charlie Brown: You misunderstand, my dear. TURD....Totally Un-Resistable Dude.

Me: Bwahahahaha.....You're, muahaha, too much! Oh, my heck, my sides hurt. Besides, isn't the proper term irresistable?

Charlie Brown: There you go, putting me down again.

Oh brother.......

Men!




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Running High

So, I didn't run after last Monday until Saturday. Yeah, 'cause I'm all about regularity and routine, eh?

Saturday, I ran with LMNOB while she was pushing Lil Guy in the stroller. LMNOB did not last long with running and so she walked while I would run ahead and run back to her. I did that for 23 minutes, which was a new record in recent history!

Yesterday, I went with a friend from church, who is a high school cross country coach (read: in much better shape, faster, smaller, etc. etc. than me) to the university track and ran a bit with her. I ran a 1000 meter with her (totally kicked my butt!) and then did 5 laps that alternated between running and walking. I was kind of perturbed at myself and my lack of endurance to just run straight like I had on Saturday, but gave myself some slack in the end and was just glad that I got out and did something.

Now...ya'll might be wondering what is my obsession with running.... While I was so sick I told God in a prayer that I wanted to get better, that I wanted my body to reflect His glory and healing powers. So what better than to take a person who virtually had no lung capacity and make them run mere months after such an ordeal? Not only that, but 5 years ago, I began running and it was such a thing of spiritual growth for me. Can't really explain it, but running and praying to God cast a new light on what relying on Him truly meant. After that initial year of running, I began to trickle out of it and would run only sporadically. My spiritual life kind of went through the same spurts and stagnants cycle as my running. And after being so ill and seeing my mortality with such clarity, let's just say that I don't want to become stagnant in my faith again.

So there's a 5k this Saturday....and I'm registered for it. So I've been getting even more serious about running as I need to train.

My goal was to run every day this week.

This morning it was gray and drizzly.

No matter, I'll get a hat and wear a jacket. I'll bundle the baby up good and warm.

And so I did. Got the older two off to the bus stop and set about my way at 8:20 this morning.

I walked for 6 minutes to warm up then started jogging and ran about a mile in 12 minutes. That's about right for me. Stopped to cross the street and continued to walk for about 4 minutes. Then I started running again, but only lasted for 4 minutes. 4 minutes, what the heck?! And I began to think of the cross, and everything that Jesus had to endure in his last hours on earth. Surely I could do better than 4 minutes. I walked for 5 minutes, visualizing the cross the whole time. Then I started to run again.....6 minutes this time, but to be fair it was all uphill! I walked for several more minutes again noting that I would run on the walking trail when I got to it. I got to it and ran, and finally it clicked. Another mile + down in 13 minutes. I thanked God and looked up. The giant clouds that had been raining over me had split and suddenly half the sky was blue and clear. A nice "thumbs up" from God, it seemed, and my heart soared with gratitude for the affirmation.

I will finish that 5k on Saturday. With God's help and example, I will persevere.

Acts 20:24 - However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

Now, if you'll excuse me - I really need a shower.


© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Whispers of Reinforcement

This morning, after a brief sensory meltdown (initially she was cold, legitimately as Charlie Brown left the downstairs windows open last night, and from there it spiraled as she couldn't have the juice she wanted in her lunch....seriously?!?) made us late for the bus and I'd subsequently dropped the kiddos off at school, I ventured out for a run.

A run. As in that thing I haven't done most of September due to a cold that hit me particularly hard after Labor Day. As in that activity that helped me drop 7 lbs in 2 weeks while changing nary a thing in my diet (which is already pretty healthful as I'm feeding me and Lil Guy but there are the occasional transgressions ;)).

And as I did so, I was struck. Not by lightning. Not by some giant epiphany. I was love-struck. Not by my love for someone/thing, but rather I found myself face to face with the Love that my God lavishes upon each one of us. I smiled as I saw the autumn sunlight casting beams off the trees and landmarks, just like He knows I love so much. As the cloudless sky, so pristine and crisply blue, seemed to purify the air simply by being, I found the strides, the breaths effortless and exhilarating at the same time. Just 4 months ago I was being released from the hospital and could barely walk up my stairs to go to the bathroom - and here I am running with a healthy body. Praise God! He has been so good to me and my family!

I reflected on yesterday's bible class. This quarter we are studying the emotions of the Psalms, and for the past two weeks we've been focused on joy/praise as is found in Psalm 8. Despite Psalm 8 being more apropos for a starry evening, the words fit the moment this morning:

¹ O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!
Your glory is higher than the heavens.
² You have taught children and infants
to tell of your strength,
silencing your enemies
and all who oppose you. ³ When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
the moon and the stars you set in place—
⁴ what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
⁵ Yet you made them only a little lower than God
and crowned them with glory and honor....

Indeed, when I think of ALL that God created and how small mankind is, relative to the planet, let alone the whole universe, and further how small I am in the grand scheme of things, I wonder how it is that I am so important to him that he is so intimately involved in my life - and those of others too?

And lately it seems to me that I can see God reinforcing this idea of his intimate knowledge of my heart everywhere I turn. Largely, where I turn in the Word.

Certain Scriptures keep getting cross-referenced in my path, reinforcing their truths upon my heart. I know better than to believe that these are coincidences, and know that God is working to let me know that He cares for me and wants me to rest in the promises of these passages that keep popping up.

The preacher's sermons seem to be tailor made each week for what I am facing personally.

This morning, as I was reflecting on the Psalms class, I noted that the first emotion we're looking at being joy/praise was just the jolt that I needed out of my recent depression. I mean, certainly there are Psalms where David was depressed and fearful - and those have comforted me in times of trials past - but it's no small thing.

Today is good. God's mercies are new every morning. I will rejoice and be glad in this day that the Lord has made.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Rejust served

Finding the Right Words

I just want to be understood.

This lifelong desire stems from so many different experiences I've had in life.

As a child, I was often told that my feelings were wrong. Unfortunately, as a child I didn't realize that feelings are not like facts and thus not so easily relegated into the right or wrong categories.

Then, there were all those times when I couldn't skillfully articulate just what was on my heart and used a word or two that completely changed the message I was trying to convey. I'm grateful that God gives us the Holy Spirit to correct this in our prayers to Him and that He knows EXACTLY what it is that I'm trying to spit out, but it doesn't always work that way when conversing with other humans.

I hate being perceived as something so contrary to that which I wish to be about. For example, I recently was told that someone close to me felt like I looked down on them because they didn't hold a degree, that this person thought I treated them as dumb and ignorant. It hurt me deeply to hear this - partly because that is so disparate from my values system, which is that we ALL have something to bring to the table of life regardless of our socioeconomic status, education (or lack thereof), religion, race, etc., but mostly because in this misunderstanding, another person was caused pain. I'm a lover not a fighter, and to cause others pain, however unintentionally, always grieves my soul.

Sometimes, this desire to be understood, and thus accepted by others and loved, manifests in a tendency to overshare. Sometimes I don't understand myself and share for the purpose of having another person weigh in. Related to my childhood admonitions that my feelings were so far off base, sometimes I share as a means of checking my reality.

But a sense of cautiousness has grown over the years. As I've tried to make sense of things on my blog these past few years my sharing has hurt those who are close to me. Unfortunately, as much as I've claimed it's about me and not them it hasn't helped.

So, I have been in a quandary lately about what to share, what not to share, and everything in between. The things that are big in my life right now, and likely to be written about, are probably not best to be shared on a blog as they concern my close relationships - and I'm trying to deal with that privately and avoid dishonoring someone I love by oversharing.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Super Bawl Sunday

So, it's been 2 weeks since this happened - finally time to sit and write about it, eh? Also; any mention of voices in my head is regarding that inner turmoil that we ALL have in our thoughts - no auditory hallucinations for this girl, thank you for your concern.

Two weeks ago, we had just returned home from our short-lived camping trip. Both Charlie Brown and I briefly entertained the thought of not going to church in the morning, since we were supposed to be gone afterall. We decided that was just silly and ended up going.

Sidenote- in the weeks preceding this I'd been having lots of doubts about life. Doubts about our financial security, my mental health status, and the joint decision for me to stay at home among many other things. In chatting with girlfriends about these doubts, a few of them had suggested I maybe look for a PT job to help me regain some of my self-confidence as well as make a little extra cash for those daunting medical bills. And the juxtaposition of all the voices of these doubts with the tidbits of "helpful" advice was driving me to the edge.

Ok....so, back to church.

Our Sunday morning bible study this summer has been on Romans. The text for the day was Romans Ch. 8. As the teacher droned on about how an abstract was different from a book review (re: a handout that he'd thought was helpful to the study), Li'l Guy began to fuss and alert me to his growing hunger. So I took him into the "cry room" (a little private area for nursing moms) and fed him. While doing so, I halfheartedly listened to the teacher on the speaker. As the abstract v. book review discussion went longer, I grabbed my Blackberry out of the diaper bag and pulled up Romans 8 using the Youversion app (which I totally ♥ btw).

I read the whole chapter, the words not unfamiliar to me as Romans is probably the book I've read most in Scripture during my walk with the Lord; but towards the end my face grew hot and moist as the tears came down, for I read:

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[b] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[c] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them...

...35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[d]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[e] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

I'd been feeling guilt about my silence in the dialogue between me and my God lately. Even knowing full well that this promise of an intercessor exists for those times when life gets so overwhelming, so full of other voices that I cannot find my own, beyond the simple gut-wrenching utterances of "Lord, please help me," despite knowing that, I was in a place where Guilt had begun to plague me, adding just one more voice in the cacophony that my mind had recently become. So irrational was this Guilt, bothering me over things of which I had no control - namely my getting sick. Yes, I know, like I could have prevented such an anomaly; the doctors still aren't quite sure how I came to be so ill.

Through this passage, God assured me. The Voice of Truth stilled the others and spoke, in solo: You are still my child, sweet girl. I have not abandoned you and I know you are overwhelmed right now. My Spirit is translating the woes on your heart and I am listening. NOTHING can ever change that. Keep going.

I was so thankful that I was physically alone, just my baby and I, in that room because I wept freely at the reassurance the moment had afforded me.

Later, the preacher's sermon (link opens an MP3 recording of the sermon if interested) was on Luke 5:1-11. Specifically, he focused in on how the men, professional fishers of their day, had fished ALL night and not caught anything yet Jesus told them to go out and launch their nets one more time. They did and the blessings (fish) were more than abundant, they almost sunk their boats! Perseverance, especially when all looks bleak, pays off, was the message in a nutshell.

Keep going.

The words, coupled with my moment in the cry room, were just what I needed to hear. Tears streamed down my face long before the conclusion of the sermon, as the realization hit me that it was no mere coincidence that our camping trip had gone south and caused us to return home early. How amazing is this Love that notes every detail of my life along with those of every other living being?

I knew I had to go forward at the invitation, to ask for the prayers of my family. But what most people didn't realize is that it wasn't a feeling of hopelessness that drove me to asking for help - rather, the hope and reassurance that God had given me that morning made me want to publicly recognize my need for Him in my life. We have been so blessed over the past several months with my rapid recovery, the help and support we received, and through things not yet revealed. Several people mistook my emotion as a cry for more help - but as I talked with them I assured them it was just a realization that I needed to keep going.

And how much good it does me to know that as a direct result another young mom shared her struggles with me that night. And then another. When a dear older sister e-mailed me the next day to see how I was doing, she mentioned "mom coaching," so I called her and asked if she would meet with some of us to pray and talk some things through. Not only would she, but she and a couple other more experienced sisters had been praying for such an opportunity in the spirit of this Scriptural example. Not because of me, but because of God.

Keep Going.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Fragmented Snippets and Linky Love

Oh my....

So I have a post in my drafts folder , one of many right now, that I'm working on. It's titled Super Bawl Sunday (watch for it soon) as it is about how God totally met me where I was a couple of weeks ago, and it is crystal clear that He arranged a couple of "coincidences," for this little meeting to occur. Said meeting of me and my God caused a bit of a breakdown in an "I can't do this [on my own]" fashion. Said breakdown inspired other people in my life to share their struggles....and now I'm heading up the organization of a ladies prayer/mentoring group at my church right now. Amazing how God uses people to facilitate events that have a greater purpose than originally imagined.

My good friend Jen/Huckdoll recently re-entered SAHMhood also and has a post up that pretty much describes my blogging state too.

On Monday, I saw my lady doc to get some "hardware installed." Apparently so did Amanda at The Mom Job....her rendition suffices for now, LOL.

I got a new haircut - rather, it's not a new style for me but it's been awhile since I've sported this particular cut, almost a year - on Wednesday. My hairdresser said when it was done, "I like you so much better with short hair. I concur, even if Charlie Brown called me "butch." Oh, yeah....he did.

Been running/walking everyday for a week now. 50 minutes of activity minimum. Feeling increasingly good with this.

Hoping that all of the above might rekindle some of the fire between Charlie Brown and I. Things are a little quiet on that front right now and I am getting cranky about it.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved